One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
