it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
