I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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