How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
