Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
