I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
barbara walters just said penis...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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