I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
