If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
