rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
