Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
