i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
