That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I cut my penus on the lid.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize