Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
