there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
