Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
