What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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