I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize