You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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