New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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