Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
