NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
40s are totally the cure
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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