It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
