I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
