I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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