3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
