your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
