This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
