How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
