Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
