You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
