Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
