My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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