By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
