Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
