i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
