i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
