Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
