Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize