My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
