Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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