it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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