you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
