broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
