belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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