Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
