Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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