I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
