you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
