Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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