Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
