I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
