so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
