in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
