yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
