i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize