Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
