i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
