Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
