im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
