we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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