But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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