Pappa wants mamma naked
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
