Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
