look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
