I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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