you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I puked a lego.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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