Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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